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Not In The Mood For Sex?

As I have often said, "Sex should be fun, free, and feel good" But the reality is that it's not always easy to get into the mood.  In one of my earlier blogs I insinuated that Baby Boomers are probably having more sex than any other age groups.  That can be true and not be true, it just depends.  There are many things that can cause a couple, or partner not to want to have sex, or maybe not want to have sex with their partner. Here is a quickie list of a few things and then we'll get back to some things that you can do to get into the mood.

Financial problems: Financial problems can kill any kind of mood.  Even-though Baby Boomers may not have the children at home there are still all kinds of financial worries for many Boomers.  There is an old saying,” It’s ok to be poor when you are young but you don't want to be poor when you are old"

Health ProblemsMany health problems can cause a lowered libido. Sometimes having sex can be painful.  A friend of mine had a hysterectomy 5 years ago and she still finds it difficult to have sex due to the pain and no sex drive. For years she has tried everything and she said that nothing is working for her. Often times a lowered libido can be corrected with Viagra or hormones. Remember, you only have one you so take care of yourself and see a healthcare provider if everything else in your life is ok and you can't think of a reason for your lowered libido.

Extramarital affair:Maybe one partner is cheating on the other or just isn’t attracted to their partner any more.  This is possible. You can love a person and not be in love with them or maybe you’re not sexually attractive to them any more.  It happens more than society cares to mention. Sometimes peoples taste change over the years.  

Substance Abuse: Sometimes if a person over drinks or consumes too many drugs this can cause a person to have a low libido.

Anger: Many times I have been so made at my husband that I couldn't stand to be in the same room with him.  That's just how bad he pissed me off. I don't withhold sex to get something in return but I just can't be kissykissy with a jerk. Sometimes a person can be angry with a partner for a reason and the partner doesn't know why.  It always helps to talk it out.

Exhaustion:Often time’s people are just too tired to have sex or feel sexy.

Body image:  Sometimes a person, male or female can not like their body and don't want anybody else to like it or enjoy it either. Also, many women are made to feel bad because they don't have the perfect body that society tries to shove down our throats.

Worry and Stress: People are worriers.  They worry about pets, children, parents, money, and health. Just like Financial problems worry and stress will kill any kind of mood. 

I am one of those people who have to have sex with a human, preferably my husband.  I use toys sometimes, but I like to have regular sex with my husband.   HONESTLY, we use to have sex every time that we could which was a lot, sometimes more than once a day. Now, about 8-10 times per month sometimes more, sometimes less, it just depends. I think that we have sex for longer periods of time and it’s better than when I was younger. I shouldn’t say better, it’s just more meaningful…. quality sex….It’s like I’m stuck with you and neither one of us is going anywhere because a divorce would cost too much so we are making the best of it????? Just kidding. Now let’s say that you don’t have any real serious problems as to why it’s so hard to get in the mood. Here are a few tips, things that I have tried or have had friends.

Touching/Foreplay :Body massaging all over.

Small Amounts of Alcohol: If I get too drunk, I can’t have sex I’ll just get real silly and laugh all night.

Pleasure Balls: Wear those most of the day if you can and you’ll be all wet by early evening.

Sexy Lingerie: Just the thought of wearing something sexy under your clothing all day is very erotic. The feeling of the silk or nylon rubbing against your body is a turn on.

Sexual Sweat: The scent of your spouse or someone that you are attracted to. When a person is sexual attracted to another there is a scent that is given off and that scent triggers the other person to respond. (Pheromones)   

Porn Movies, photographs and Stories: Porn can trigger the body to release pheromones, cause erections and release other bodily fluids.

Dimmed lights: Candles are very romantic and can easily stimulate the imagination.

Jacuzzi: Just playing around in the hot tube with the jets and your partner is very stimulating.

Sex Games/ Role Playing: If you have time and you are as playful as I am, then games such as: Strip poker, Nookii, which is my favorite sex board game or sexy role playing games, should really put you in the mood.  When we play school and my husband is the principle, all kinds of things happen before we actually have intercourse. If you search the web you can find all kinds of Sex Board Games. There are also on-line sex games but I have never played any of them.

Talking Dirty:  I am so simple, this works for both of us and it’s so easy.

Even though sex should be fun, free and it should feels good, sometimes it’s really hard to get into the mood.  I just hope that you found my tips entertaining as well as helpful.